Joe Cinquemani's Horoscope

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      Please be advised that we are constantly updating the horoscopes from nanosecond to nanosecond. We enter updates as they are received from the renowned astrologer Joe Cinquemani. For your convenience we kindly ask to sign in the ‘Follow by Email Subscription’ or return at your leisure to see if new intuitive words of insight have been added under your Zodiac Sign.

** Please scroll down to your Astrological Sign.

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Introduction from Prof. Malatesta:

      Readers across our planet are using advice from astrologers to help them guide their daily lives. We at the Embroiled News Central Office, at no expense to you, have been for years reporting the spontaneous findings from one of the world's renowned imaginary astrologer, Joe Cinquemani. He is constantly tuned to the ever-changing galaxies and planetary cosmos. Joe is also the epitome of the common man who has inspired the masses with his predictions and insight and now reporting exclusively in our Embroiled News Blog pages. Joe Cinquemani, astrologer, former house painter and school bus driver from the Bronx, New York City, has traveled far and wide and gathered the universe's mystical inner secrets.

      Joe Cinquemani has become the unorthodox astrologer who firmly believes in the perpetual motion and voids of the universe. He has predicted our current global warming phenomenon and lately, the world wide economy downfall.

      The Embroiled News is committed in the foreseeable future to showcase Joe Cinquemani inspiring predictions and updates as they occur for our readers enjoyment and guidance. As a bonus to our readers Joe Cinquemani has recently posted under each astrological sign the type of fruit and vegetables that are essential for you’re over all health. ~!~ 

 ** Please scroll down to your Astrological Sign. 

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AQUARIUS - Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Aquarius, you’re gonna have love troubles because of money. Don’t go to a loan shark or you’ll end up like Jimmy H. . Be smart, go back to school so you can get a better job. Dump your other self if you're not compatible. Next time you get a chance to vote, listen carefully to what those political smucks have got to say about your future. If you're even thinking of going on a trip, do yourself a favor: stay close to home.
Mars and Neptune are having a fit about Venus. Love triangles never seem to work out, if you get my drift! Life evolve like those of the planets: they keep circling and hoping for something better to happen. If you have not read a book lately, now it's the time to start. You're gonna have a lot of idle time on your calendar and it will not end until Venus makes her next move.
Your best numbers until the next update: 15 23 49 14 25 41

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 PISCES - Feb. 19 - Apr. 20

Pisces, you should wear shades of blue (your cosmic color) but if you’re Irish, green it's OK, but don't over do it. Bet on the horses if you can afford loosing. This is a lucky time if you pick the horse that its rider is wearing some sort of blue colors. Lady luck and the celestial bodies will be cheering for you until about the end of March. Find a new job, the one you have, will soon end. There are certain Virgos and Sagittarius who are seemingly well meaning about a certain, Aquarius. Be aware of their advances while keeping Aquarius safe.
Your best numbers until the next update: 9 10 35 19 20 17

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 ARIES - Mar. 21 - Apr. 19

Aries, balance your business affairs, the I.R.S. has your number. But all is not bleak. Those who love you will bail you out. If you've been thinking of moving, get started now and don't look back until you get settled in your new place. Keep clear from Libra types because the will only slow you down. Invest in scrap metals - hoard it in your back yard if you need to. Copper and aluminum will peek to their premium when Venus is in the house of Virgo.
Your best numbers until the next update: 21 34 1 42 36 7

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  TAURUS - Apr. 20 May 20

Taurus, get a real job and stop mooching off your parents. There’s a new love coming your way who will help make something of yourself. Make sure a Virgo or a Capricorn is in your life soon because you're going to need them. Find a new adobe; your best bet is to continue your higher education. Stay out of the local military recruiting office, there are better ways to earn your school tuition.

Your best numbers until the next update: 2 4 6 34 15 3

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GEMINI - May 21 - June 21

Gemini, you’re gonna be under a strenuous work load. You’ll be raking in money by the end of the moon retrogration. Don't change your work habit; keep making the same moves while doing the best you can under the circumstances. A Leo is checking you out as a possible mate, be ready to make the big leap. Keep away from the Aquarius until the new moon has fully set. I sense that you will need to limit your financial activities until the mother load is delivered by a stranger.
Your best numbers until the next update: 28 29 1 25 31 36

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CANCER - June 22 - July 22

Cancer, don’t even think about getting married for now. Instead stay out of trouble for a few more years. Quit smoking those funny cigarettes and get a hairy pet instead. Snakes are O. K.; but adopting a dog or a cats is even better.  You find some one who likes animals and you'll have a good relationship that will hold for a long time.  Stay away from Scorpios cus they will nag your personality to death! The winds of success are in your card if you are willing to take small chances. Stay away from fast foods; keep those beans and fruit and vegetable coming.
Your best numbers until the next update: 15 36 47 24 5 9

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LEO - July 23 - Aug. 22

Leo, put aside personal ambitions and focus on teamwork. You’re going to get a raise in pay and you’ll pass your physical. Get yourself organized, find the needle in the haystack. Gemini will cut the trail to success for you. Listen to the advice and act upon it. Rest only if you need to, other wise get things done before the solar cycle of the new moon interferes with the Orion celestial bodies.
Your best numbers until the next update: 36 12 7 3 23 9

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VIRGO - Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Virgo, if you’ve chosen Europe for your vacation, then you’ve made a good choice. Stay away from countries that have an "R" in their name, but do take in the sights in Italy or Spain. Learn Italian, cus you're gonna need it. Loose some pounds before traveling; there's a Romeo in your near future. Be aware that all that is foreign, is not necessarily as good as domestic. When it comes to love, just don't flip a coin and expect a favorable result.
Your best numbers until the next update: 36 12 7 3 23 9

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LIBRA - Sept. 23 - Oct. 23

Libra, just have a good time. Life for you has been the pits lately. If you can afford it, go on a cruise but don’t gamble on the high seas unless you’re willing to fall into the pits again. Quit worrying if your dream boat is not in sight beyond the horizon. A good looking ship will dock in your port before the next fool moon if you let it happen. Stop balancing your personal life with idiotic self serving friends. Make your own music and sing them off off the music chart.
Your best numbers until the next update: 24 7 18 45 19 15

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SCORPIO - Oct. 24 - Nov. 21

Scorpio, keep your temper on ice. Don’t get mixed up with knuckle head neighbors. Erect a fence around your castle and get a guard dog if things get worse. Guns have never solved problems, don't buy one. Take up a new hobby, make love and stop worrying about nothing. If you're neighboring with a Capricorn, have nothing to do with him or her until after the next solar solstice. Get to know a Libra and work things out both mentally and physically.
Your best numbers until the next update: 45 23 6 1 5 18

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SAGITTARIUS - Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Sagittarius, get all your financial business done by the end of this new moon. Golf is out of the question for the next two weeks. Stay home instead with the one you love and make up for the lost quality time. Do it, or you'll be in big trouble when the Sun intersects the ecliptic celestial equator of the Earth. If you got yourself in a jam, beg for forgiveness, now, then keep your nose out of other people business. Get a Gemini who may be willing to help with your current predicament.
Your best numbers until the next update: 34 4 7 29 8 15

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CAPRICORN - Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Capricorn, you’re starting a 29 day lucky streak. Get busy and start filling out those contests, lottery, and sweepstakes forms. Have a mint julep, then wait for your ship to come in. Sooner than later you will rake in all the dough you’ll ever need. Don't bother horsing around with minor details. You have Mars on the run so do as much as you can while the chase is on. You will be the winner no matter who gets to the finish first. Venus is on your side for the full duration.
OK,  here's the scoop! Virgos and Capricorns are circling around you. Keep your wits up and if you really need help, find a Libra who can sort things out for you. Death is still in the equation, but living with a Scorpio may be a better alternative than dying due to snap decisions.
Your best numbers until the next update: 4 22 5 13 25 6

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